Dr. Nesheim, Dr. Nesheim!

Dr. Nesheim, Dr. Nesheim,
Won’t you help me, please, please, please!
I’ve just come back from outer space
With a horrible disease.

I have splotches on my forehead;
They are colored green like kale.
My tongue is newly furry
And I’ve grown a longish tail.
My legs are like a lobster’s legs
(Except for being gray);
I’m growing tall antenna
(And they’re taller every day).

We were out around Antares
In our sleek and speedy ship,
Filled with the many artifacts
We’d gathered on our trip.
We had artwork from Aldeberan,
Jam from Wolf Four-Five-Eight, Inventions from Procyon
(Of a very advanced state).

Then the natives of Antares
Sold us all these lovely trees.
We would all be oh so wealthy
When we got back home with these,
For the trees of lush Antares
Were as varied as could be
And they came in every color
You could ever hope to see.

Why, there were so very many,
They filled up the largest space
In our hydroponics section,
As we headed home through space.
I was singled out to tend them;
What an honor that, for me.
But three days out and one of them
Just bit me on the knee.

It was a very painful bite
With consequences dire.
I have a roving itch, you know,
And boils that burn like fire;
My eyes are growing out on stalks
My nose is now a snout.
My ears are swelling up just like
They’d caught a case of gout.

Congestion builds inside me,
I can feel the pressure grow.
And if I ever go ker-choo,
The whole damned world will blow.
Dr, Nesheim, Dr. Nesheim,
Won’t you help me, please, please, please?
My nose has started itching
And I think I’m going to sneeze!